With Love & Lex

“Peace with your past” is kind of a funny term. We can’t always control what has happened to us, sometimes we can’t control how we react, and we definitely can’t change the past. What we can change is: how we think about it.

It’s easy to look back and feel angry or hurt or regret. It is okay to feel this way about our pasts, but we can’t truly move forward until we’ve made peace. There are two kinds of “past” that I want to focus on. We approach them in similar ways but it’s important to acknowledge their differences: the past of what has happened to us and the past of things we have done.

            When I say “things that have happened to us, I mean the things that we didn’t see coming, the things that were out of our control. Learning to let go of the anger and fear that comes along with these unfortunate traumas of life and view them in a different light is how we survive life. Now, I’m not going to preach that “everything is a lesson” because to be frank, I think that is bullshit. We shouldn’t have to find a lesson in something that we didn’t deserve. But, we should be allowed to move on. I say “allowed” because I believe this is something we actually have to allow ourselves to do. You’re not going to wake up one day and be magically healed from the things that have hurt you. I want you to say to yourself, “That sucked and I really didn’t deserve that. But, I am strong and I got through it.” Acknowledging that it happened, regardless of how much you wish it hadn’t, is the first step to moving on. Then, we need to acknowledge that we cannot change it. Most importantly, we do need to recognize what we were able to learn from this. Did we realize who deserves to be in our lives and who didn’t? Or did we simply, and less valuably, just learn that some people aren’t going to be the greatest assets to our lives. Either way, these things alter our path; I would say for the better, in most cases. I know- it sure does sound like I am backtracking on my previous statement about lessons being bullshit, but hear me out. We didn’t go through that TO learn a lesson, instead, we learned a lesson through the shitty things that were handed to us. We CHOSE to create something good out of the bad. This growth is chaotic and nonlinear, I still occasionally feel a surge of anger towards the people who rubbed my trauma in my face, but it passes and I remember that we are all put on this earth to grow. And grow we shall, through the good and the bad.

            Next up, the past of things we’ve done. Whether we have hurt other people, embarrassed ourselves in any way or even put ourselves in situations that we knew better than to get into, we can put a lot of blame on ourselves for these things. In my opinion, being aware of the things you have done wrong or wish you could have done differently is a true show of good character. Having empathy is what separates us from a lot of people who just do and forget. Take pride in that. And also, go easy on yourself. You can’t take things back, but you can apologize and commit to doing better next time. This time I want you to say, “I’ve made mistakes, I’ve learned from them and I am not the same person that I was. I am proud of who that person has led me to be.” I’ll say it again, growth is the key to life and self-awareness is what gets us there.

            Our past shapes us and it is something we get to feel proud of. Making peace and moving on from our past is easier said than done; it takes a mindset shift and a lot of reminding yourself of what’s important. Your present and your future are guided and supported by both the good and the not-so-good of your past. You are loved and looked over by all versions of yourself and that is something to celebrate! Your best self is waiting for you and they wouldn’t exist without the growth you’ve made from your past. Think of it that way and watch how it gets a little easier to let go of each day.