With Love & Lex

• I am not a licensed healthcare worker. I don’t claim to be a mental health expert. I share my personal experiences and what has helped me. These tips can and should be paired with therapy and professional recommendations, when applicable. In case of emergency, call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or 911.

Sometimes we slip in slowly, we don’t even notice until we’ve reached the deep end. Other times, we fall head first. If you’ve ever found yourself in that dark, lonely, isolating place in your mind, then you know what I’m talking about. I call that “the void.”

In the age of social media, we often see only the positive, successful, beautiful parts of peoples lives. Which makes the comparison game way too easy. I think it’s important to normalize talking about the not-so-beautiful aspects of life. We all have them, but it’s so easy to feel alone while in the darkest points of life.

As I’m writing this, I’m speaking from a post-void state, coming out of one of the longest trips to the dark place I’ve had in a long time. You may have heard of this, referred to as a “dark night of the soul” or “death and rebirth”. They all mean the same thing and they describe the times where we are mentally in a place of grief, dread, shame, regret, fear, etc. I call it “the Void” because when I’m there, I often times find it very hard to pull myself out of it.

I used to say that in order to process all of the feelings, you have to sit with them. And to an extent I still believe that, but after a conversation with a close friend, I realized that it’s more than just sitting with them. In order to heal and process the void, we have to be present with it. Sitting and being present are two different things. My friend told me that you can’t heal if you’re not doing anything to help yourself, which was exactly what I needed to hear because it got me thinking. Sitting with our feelings could mean just allowing them to happen and accepting them as they are, which is healthy. But this can lead to allowing them to stay and allowing them to overthrow the opportunity of growing and moving through them.

To be present with these feelings means not only allowing them, but understanding them, in order to heal from them. This means getting out of your typical space where you allow yourself to feel these feelings, getting free from the cycle around these repetitive feelings, allowing your mind to just be with the thoughts, allowing yourself to explore the meaning behind them, allowing yourself to just be present with the highs and lows of life and allowing your intuition to guide you into the lessons that are meant to be learned in these moments. Sometimes this means forcing yourself out of bed, even when all you want to do is lay in the sadness, getting up and doing the things that encourage your thoughts. When we are up and doing things that are outside of our normal routine, we allow our brains to expand into different ways of thinking. This gives us the opportunity to actually learn from what the void is trying to teach us.

The truth is, whenever you get out of the void, you are not the same person you were when your entered it. It may seem subtle at first, and looking back you may not recognize the times it’s happened in the past, but you have changed. You have grown. You have been reborn into the version of yourself that exists now, ready to take on the next steps of your life. I’m not trying to romanticize this darkness, but it’s important to recognize that there is meaning behind it, and that there is hope on the other side of it.

I recently heard somebody refer to this as a caterpillar, going into its cocoon, turning to mush, and being reborn into a butterfly. When we reach these dark places, we are entering a shift. These shifts help us to transform into a more healed version of ourselves, and align us more with our highest self. But, we do have options when it comes to the void. We can stay in it, we can get out of it but not learn from it, or we can use it as fuel to become a better version of ourselves; I hope we’re all on the same page about which option sounds best. It’s not meant to be easy, but you wouldn’t be on this journey if you weren’t equipped at handling it.

Below is my list of tips in managing the void:

1. The void typically asks us to let go of something. Whether that be unhealthy mindsets, relationships, patterns, people, or thought processes that no longer serve us. Letting go of things is never really easy. Most of the time the things we are meant to let go of are things that have protected us for so long. A lot of us live life on survival mode whether we realize it or not, but we must softened to the idea that we are safe to live a life full of joy.
2. In these moments, take the time to reflect on what thoughts or feelings are holding you back. Do you have triggers that stem from old wounds? Or do you have belief systems that are protecting you from getting hurt, but also stop you from really living? Maybe you have patterns of behavior that allow you to numb out rather than process things in the present moment? Finding deep answers means that you have to ask yourself the deep and hard questions. It’s nearly impossible to heal without breaking down the very core of ourselves and digging deep within to find the help and answers we need. Often times, it’s things that we don’t want to hear, so we avoid it. That’s where we find what we need to let go.
3. Know that you have not gone backwards. When in this state, it’s easy to feel as though we have regressed in our healing. We are constantly healing, and sometimes things come up again so that we can heal at an even deeper level. When we welcome and embrace this, we find realignment with our higher self and our true purpose. The universe gives us scenarios, when we are ready, to allow us to grow and heal from old traumas and learned behaviors. When we receive repeat lessons it is to allow us to heal on a much deeper level than ever before. We must trust that truly accepting the lessons at hand are for our highest good.
4. You don’t need the outside voices. Your thoughts can be convoluted with the opinions of others, especially in the time of social media. Sometimes you can lean on the voices of trusted friends, but the only person that can heal you is you. Your own intuition, and the voices of your own thoughts will give you the guidance that you need if you allow yourself to hear them over the voices of others.A lot of times, the lesson we are meant to learn will only truly absorb when we find the strength to find the wisdom within. We have a constant flow of outside opinions, advice and knowledge, but the truth is that no one is you, therefore no one knows your life or your mind or your soul. This means that only you can find your own truth. That is often the lesson. You are whole on your own; you’re your own hero.
5. Write it all down. It helps in managing your thoughts and understanding them. But even better, it’s healing to be able to look back on this experience and learn from it, as well as reflect on how far you’ve come. Keep track of your inner guidance and allow it to guide your future self, as well. Your own knowledge and insight is your greatest gift. When you document your evolution, you can always fallback on yourself and rely on what you already know to push you through.
6. Lastly, be compassionate with yourself. You are living the human experience. You are not alone in these dark feelings, no matter how lonely it may feel. Be patient and know this is a phase before you come out on top. This is your very own metamorphosis.

Please feel free to comment with your own steps in navigating the void. As always, I am here for you in any way that I can be. You are not alone and you are loved by the divine.

With so much love & healing energy,

Alexa